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25th March 2019 at 9:29 pm #57531
So a slight bit of history, when I was 18 years old I got my first job in a casino as a croupier, I had never been near gambling or had any clue about it and simply like the idea of being a croupier (it sucked) I learned how to play the games as well as deal them and on the first payday I had went to another casino near by (as you cant play for the one you work for) and lost £40 in about 10 minutes. didnt like the feel I wont be repeating that in a hurry.
fast forward a few months and out I go with a few mates from college, I believe it was someones 18th and we end up in a casino in the early hours of the morning as a right of passage for him, my one mate is playing roulette based on “I like that number, I also like that number” So I try and explain pattern betting and neigbour betting along with playing the wheel. I am rather pissed and not the best at explaining and after 10 – 15 minutes he tells me it must be rubbish otherwise everyone would do it. I attempt to explain most gamblers do and when he still doesnt believe me I put it to the test. I dont remember the exact bet or the numbers but I know I came home around 100 quid up and looking like I knew everything in my friends eyes about gambling…
Over the next few years I looked at roulette and blackjack as a way of getting easy or free money until I hit a very bad loss streak, nothing had changed I still knew it and I still played the same but it just wasnt going my way. Determined to make it back I would up my bets and go literally so deep to recover losses it became impossible to do so. It wasnt till a few years later I was stood outside a casino 12 hours after recieving my student loan for that term with nothing in the bank thanks to my own stupidity, that I decided to walk back in after inhaling a cigarette in two drags to self ban myself from that chain of casinos and to that day I havent stepped foot in a land casino (Thats around 7 – 8 years to now)
I managed to stay away from gambling for a good few years until I moved away from home and needed to find a job, the first job I was offered was a slot host at a motorway services which basically meant offering drinks or food to regular gamblers who came much in the same as casinos do. Because they had REGULAR gamblers… in a services… bit weird but OK…its work and I need it. The room was no bigger than a pub toilet and there was a chair in the corner for me to sit on and read if no one was there along with 4 barcest touch screen slot machines. I was in the job for maybe 12 – 14 months and in that time had so much time to sit and watch the machines that I got pretty used to watching for little tells or signs that the machine might be about to pay out. Regulars would ask if you knew what had dropped or what was close and you couldnt tell them and probably you were wrong anyway so better to say nothing eh? After some more time I became so good at reading machines I would be able to tell if or not it was going to drop within a few hundred spins or so, it was useless me knowing but what else was I going to do with all that time?
A few months on and I am on the road down to london when we stop at a services for a bite to eat, I walk past the gambling area and there we have 5 or 6 of the same machine I work with everyday. Whilst we ate I sat and watched the machines and how they played and just before we left said I was going to have a bit of a go and hoping I was right on what I had seen. Load up rainbow riches and about 40 or 50 spins in here comes the bloody leprachaun. SHIT I thought to myself this sod never does much oh well. He only goes and hops his merry way up that little road falling just short at the 250x mark. HAPPY DAYS. I cash myself out and enjoy a weekend in london expenses almost paid.
Not long after we got back I finally found a new job and moved on. several pay days later Im sat at home watching TV when an AD for an online casino comes on and they are showing off a few of the games I used to sit and watch daily, Feeling a little bit lucky I decide to sign up chuck in a deposit and have a little bash… what the harm?
Just over a year later here I am. To say things have gotten a little out of control would be an understatement. I woke up this morning (payday) checked my bank and found myself a little short on my normal pay thanks to a few days sick.. Ah thats not an issue I can get that back on the slots now. £50 goes in, Then another… then another… Then another… then TRANSACTION DECLINED…. “SHIT NO NO NO NO” check my bank to find myself with a staggering £24 quid left. OOOOOH great.
Now if this was the first time I would let it slide a bit more… unfortunatly this is the 4th time in a year I have managed this with the last one being just before xmas. In the past I beat myself up but ultimately got over it in a few days and found myself selling of stuff to try and claim back what was lost. As I look around the flat now I see very little left to actually do that with which lead me to my next decision.
IM FUCKING DONE
Accounts closed. All of them in fact. the bank has been rung and blocks on gambling transactions put in place for my card where it can be identified. now im sat here feeling like a complete and utter dickhead wondering what to do next. So I decided to sit down and write a little rambling piece to place together in my head where I had started to go wrong. The main issue I feel is I dont look at gambling as risky, I look at it as a money making scheme, Sometimes it comes good other times it leaves me worse off than before. I clearly have an addictive personality and this just isnt healthy for me anymore and thats something I havent been able to openly admit to myself in 10 years. If I dont get out now this will be the death of me quiet literally and I need to make a change for the better.
So if you have made it this far THANK YOU for reading this waffle, If anyone has been through this and has any tips or tricks on how to manage things going forward besides joining Gamblers anon.. sorry thats just something I cant bring myself to do… or ways to make sure I have no further access to it that would be great also anyone with success stories because right now I need a fucking pick me up from this day! just something for me to read whilst I lick the dusts out of the corner of the room for food.
Right off to find enough money for a few weeks supply of corn flakes and some ear plugs to avoid the landlord!
25th March 2019 at 9:56 pm #57537This reply has been reported for inappropriate content.
Very interesting post mate. I did wonder what had happened to you after the poker win and you last saying you’d lost your job. Great to see you’ve found work.Unfortunately many of us have been in a similar position and know too well what it feels like. It sounds like certainly taken the right steps and if your plan is to stop everything gambling related i wish you all the luck in the world achieving that.
1125th March 2019 at 10:00 pm #57540Hi Haz, Yeah the poker went on the back burner whilst I started looking for work and thankfully found a job quickly, not the best in the world but works work. Its a shame I have to do this as I would be lying if I said I didnt love it because I do. I love the thrill the feel the ups and downs but recently the downs have been coming harder and faster than in the past and thats not plausible anymore for me. Hopefully one day in the future I can get to a point where I can join you guys in the poker again cause it was a good laugh and play for fun and enjoyment rather than doing my bollocks in on book of dead or chilli on the second screen.
Look after yourself and thanks for the kind words.
2125th March 2019 at 10:07 pm #57543Hope so mate. After 30 odd years i feel i finally have a bit of control in gambling. I’d love to just play with what i can afford to lose but i know when i do I’m so close to been tilted to losing everything it’s scary. I think the most competitive gamblers are the worst. We just don’t want to lose at all costs and that means we end up going all or nothing.
2125th March 2019 at 10:21 pm #57549Sorry to hear Fairzz. It is good now atleast that you can sit back and see its not a get rich quick scheme. Please don’t dissmiss GA though i haven’t been through this myself but did attend meetings when i had a friend going through real troubles hearing stories of others really did open my eyes to what troubles people can and do get themself into through gambling. Not sure if this is helpful in anyway way but for me personally i would say i also have an addictive personality but i dont really value money all that much so am kind of emotionless when playing. I try to use my addictive personally to an advantage I have set goals when i started it was daily/weekly/monthly and yearly I would persist no matter what to achieve these goals. This was actually something i took from a random guy at 1 of the meetings. It has really helped me to keep going the direction i want to in life, i think this can be really helpful not only keeping your mind off gambling but focused on other things that you want to achieve. Is there anything that you have wanted to do but just never had the time or money to do so? Try creating a plan and a time frame where it could be a reality and go for it. If it helps mine was to visit machu picchu and after starting my goals list i visited there after 7 months so of course it did take some time. The other was adding new hobbies running was my hobby of choice as it was something i used to do as child was also something i could do anytime anywhere really. I started this 4 years ago and still do it to this day, The list is your own if you choose to try this so you can add whatever you like of course.
Good luck mate
2125th March 2019 at 10:21 pm #57550I feel this is the same. I MUST LEAVE UP. I will risk EVERYTHING to get there because once ive risked everything to get up I can never say I didnt try. Thats the mindset the entire time till exactly 1 seconds after that balance hits zero which it then hits me what I have done and how much has been lost… It fucking sucks so I feel you 100%
125th March 2019 at 10:26 pm #57553Sorry to hear Fairzz. It is good now atleast that you can sit back and see its not a get rich quick scheme. Please don’t dissmiss GA though i haven’t been through this myself but did attend meetings when i had a friend going through real troubles hearing stories of others really did open my eyes to what troubles people can and do get themself into through gambling. Not sure if this is helpful in anyway way but for me personally i would say i also have an addictive personality but i dont really value money all that much so am kind of emotionless when playing. I try to use my addictive personally to an advantage I have set goals when i started it was daily/weekly/monthly and yearly I would persist no matter what to achieve these goals. This was actually something i took from a random guy at 1 of the meetings. It has really helped me to keep going the direction i want to in life, i think this can be really helpful not only keeping your mind off gambling but focused on other things that you want to achieve. Is there anything that you have wanted to do but just never had the time or money to do so? Try creating a plan and a time frame where it could be a reality and go for it. If it helps mine was to visit machu picchu and after starting my goals list i visited there after 7 months so of course it did take some time. The other was adding new hobbies running was my hobby of choice as it was something i used to do as child was also something i could do anytime anywhere really. I started this 4 years ago and still do it to this day, The list is your own if you choose to try this so you can add whatever you like of course.
Good luck mate
Thank you that really does help, Keeping my mind away from it is now the next thing I am concerned about (says he talking about it). I need to find a way to positively use the money that would be spent gambling and enjoy spending money on items or experiences again. I have greatly lost that sense of pride of owning something because I worked for it. Anything that I have bought in the past year if not more has been because of winning. In that moment I rush out and buy something I want and kept it as a sense of YEAH I WON THAT…. right up until I got into a deep loss hole and then the item went to cash generator for food, rent or more gambling funds. Ive hit a point where theres nothing of value left and I deeply want to find things I want and earn them again because I got up and went to work not just because I got fucking lucky finally on the slots.
A list of stuff to do and buy and a plan to save is something I will defo channel that energy into thank you 🙂
25th March 2019 at 10:33 pm #57556It’s the psychology of the competitive nature in us. Not wanting to lose at all costs. I’ve lost a grand before all because i was £60 down. Crazy when you think about it. Your bang on when reality kicks in it hurts badly but even then I’m thinking it’s not over yet making stupid plans to play more to try and win it back. It’s having the ability to write off a small loss saying well it’s beat me tonight it’s not the end of the world £50 down. I’m starting to be able to do that but it’s taken years. I hope like you say one day you can be in that position so you can play poker with no risks involved.
25th March 2019 at 10:33 pm #57557Sorry to be nosey dont have to answer but do you still go out and socialise? i only ask as when my friend was having troubles he used to hide away in his flat all the time and make alot of excuses and always have a reason for just sitting in and not going out.
25th March 2019 at 10:48 pm #57560Sorry to be nosey dont have to answer but do you still go out and socialise? i only ask as when my friend was having troubles he used to hide away in his flat all the time and make alot of excuses and always have a reason for just sitting in and not going out.
Im an only child so being alone is fairly normal for me. I was a nerdy gamer and still am to be honest and most of my friends are similar. Now that I live away from them by some distance we mostly hangout online and game together but beyond that we dont see each other in person unless I go home for a day or two. I have one or two friends I see here semi regular but unfortunatly we are all adults that work shift pattern jobs and we can go weeks even months without having similar times off or free time. I wouldnt say I have made excuses to gamble but I would defo say I have been out with them when I have been in a gambling session in the morning and have played on my phone whilst with them to carry on the streak be it good or bad…
25th March 2019 at 10:54 pm #57561Thats great even speaking online is much better than blocking everyone out alot of people retreat into a shell and not want to talk or interact with anyone. When i said making excuses i didnt mean to gamble meant to not want to speak to other or go out. Problem shared is a problem halved cliche i know but very true
25th March 2019 at 11:24 pm #57570Good luck mate and i wish you all the best . A lot of good advice there . And i hope you can use it .
25th March 2019 at 11:47 pm #57575Hi Fairzz….
I read all your story & I can relate to you, I’m a bit older than yourself and decided not to give up on gambling, lasting to gamble my head off for more years than you’ve lived.
A couple off pointers for you is, you/me have a dangerous addiction, it does not matter how much we win, the old saying about a room full of money is that a gambler will always ask for a bigger room. As no amounts of winning will be enough, No Amounts.
This is hard to get into your Gambling head, different people have different ways and means to give up gambling.
A few suggestions is… Load up YouTube on a quiet night of clear thinking and listen to
It will help you understand your illness, and help you prepare for the future.
1. Do an act of kindness everyday for someone who does not know about it.
2. Get a hobbie, one that you enjoy, not something that’s seen as doing good.
3. Remember your Sick & need recovery time, usually for life.
4. Make amends to folk ? Helping you recover.
5. Be nice to yourself & remember all gamblers have a selfishness about them, so treat yourself more often.
6. Find someone to confide in, who you can goto on days your feeling bad or isolated.
7. Talk about your addiction & what triggers you feel. Or post here, if it helps you.
8. Only ever carry cash, leave all debit cards etc in the house.
9. If/When buying anything big, ask to meet someone to go shopping with you.
10. Find a routine that your comfortable with, to help in your day to day life, try not to get Down about not being able to gamble & see it as freeing your time up for more happy-go-lucky times.
And most importantly, do not feel bad about being an addict, as I’m sure your a great dude, and learn to love yourself again. ♥️???
126th March 2019 at 12:34 am #57587Excellent post stevie!!! Great video also one phrase that stuck has to of been ‘you don’t have a gambling problem , you have a living problem where gambling is the solution’. Worth a watch addict or not ?
26th March 2019 at 12:34 am #57588I hope you can be strong and beat your demons mate at a young age, I’m in my forties now and have battled long and hard with mine and they still win.
There has been some great advice offered in the above posts and I heed you to take notice of them.
Dont be like me a lifelong gambling degen it’s not big and it’s not clever, it’s hard and it stinks and it’s weak.
I wish you all the luck in the world
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