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[PsychicSnail WANTED $111 Outlaw]

I’m going to rant. I understand addiction, but don’t gamble and never have, so this is perhaps an uninformed and naive opinion. I am open to correction.

A few times over the past couple of weeks I’ve seen posts from people who have blown their entire week’s / month’s pay leaving themselves and their families totally boracic. They are angry and upset with their own stupidity, worried about how to tell their husband/wife and wondering how they can cover up their transgressions. Moreover, they also state that they “know” it will happen again because they can’t help themselves.

What pisses me off are the responses. “Don’t feel bad it happens to us all.” “Stay strong, tomorrow will be better.”

Now I understand this reaction on a human level. Of course I also feel empathy with those struggling with addiction and also wish they weren’t in such a bad place. But the fact is these people should feel bad. Really bad. They are destroying their families so they should feel totally terrible.

Instead of attempting to comfort these people, they should use those moments of realisation to actually address the issues. Remember the terrible low feelings, the guilt and shame, let it stick with you, don’t ditch it. Use it as an impetus to sort your shit out.

Use Gamban which people say is very effective. If you have blown your wedge on an on-line casino and haven’t signed up, then you’ve only yourself to blame, and have obviously chosen to put your addiction before your family.

If you are married give all of your money to your wife/husband as you get paid, or someone else you can trust to administer your finances for you. Never allow yourselves to have access to more than you absolutely need to get you through the day. There is almost always a way to prevent yourself from abusing money and destroying yourself and your families. If you are better off, maybe plough your spare cash straight into savings that don’t allow instant access. Not to do so is just an act of total stupidity and selfishness, and in my opinion, not an acceptable way to live.

Gambling is not fun. Winning is fun. Ditch the gambling and start winning by appreciating what you have now. And yes I know this all sounds very patronising but it doesn’t make it any less true.

[Sal139 WANTED $29 Outlaw]

On pretty much every point I agree with you mate.

A lot of what’s said in reply to people who have truly messed up tends to be platitudes and doesn’t really help address the issues.

That being said…

1. Knowing that others have made the same mistakes as you and have come out stronger as a result can only be a good thing. So if people say tomorrow will be better because they’ve managed to make it so, it may have a positive psychological effect?

2. You said that people choose their addiction over their family. Addiction is defined as not having control over doing something to the point that it could be harmful. So I disagree with you on this point. Addiction is a mental disorder and should be treated as such. Suggesting that you should just get over it isn’t a helpful suggestion!

But on the whole, yes, I agree that for the majority, simple measures will ensure that you dont spend beyond your means and fall into the pit of addiction.

[PsychicSnail WANTED $111 Outlaw]

Sali,

Yep, I agree with your definition of addiction, but the major point is that the person isn’t fully under the influence of the addiction 100% of the time. They have moments, evenings, days where the urge to gamble becomes too much and these are the danger times of course.

However, some of the time they have control. It’s in those moments that they are able to think clearly and exercise choice i.e. protect themselves and their families or just plough ahead on the road to destruction, as they know it’s only a matter of time before the next cloud descends.

But maybe I do see things as too black and white.

 

[Rb Rbreen91 WANTED $493 Outlaw]

I tend to slate them. I’ve done it myself, and I don’t molly coddle people for being stupid. Same as I don’t expect sympathy when I make a Cunt of my life.

[Ramm WANTED $32 Outlaw]

Dunno about you but i don’t like to kick a guy when he’s down (literally and metaphorically) so when someone comes on here to confess and get advice/help i feel calling them a stupid cunt wouldnt do any good and could potentially do harm. I do understand wanting to try and slap some sense into em but id try treating them with kindness as a first resort.

[Haz40 WANTED $1,167 Outlaw]

I suppose most would say I’m the worst for been too soft on people who have put their livelihoods and family in jeopardy through gambling but i have to say my advice on this forum is different to those who have just had a bad session and those who can’t buy food or pay rent. Personally i don’t see the point in been ridiculously harsh in either scenario but i 100% agree people do need to take responsibility for their actions. Yes I’m a gambler of pretty much all my life but one thing i can say is I’ve never gone without. I’ve never been given anything. I’ve worked for every penny I’ve had and i have always made sure there’s a roof over my family’s head and always a full cupboard and freeze of food. I do understand addiction and the thought process or should i say lack of it when people go degenerate. Non gamblers don’t understand what goes through our minds. We feel out of control and nothing will stop us continuing until we have run out of money. My advice to any gambler is to make sure come pay day all your bills and commitments are covered first before you gamble anything.

[PsychicSnail WANTED $111 Outlaw]

Haz, during those degen periods do you never get an hour or so of clarity when you could put on the brakes?

[Haz40 WANTED $1,167 Outlaw]

PsychicSnail wrote:

Haz, during those degen periods do you never get an hour or so of clarity when you could put on the brakes?

Sometimes mate but also sometimes it’s like your been hypnotized. It’s strange as you can easily lose sense of time value and any importance in your life. Fortunately after over 30 years of gambling ( I’m 42) i believe I’ve become a more sensible gambler. Yes I still have a couple of degenerate sessions every now and then. They can range from about 300 to 800 loss which btw is way too much for me but they are getting less and less frequent. I’m registered on gamstop and that was after a win and not before i did my balls in. I thought that was the right thing to do. I love to gamble and always will but when your head goes nothing matters you carry on till you physically run out of money. I take many precautions nowadays by leaving my bank card at home. Carrying little cash with me and so on and these are the things i advise gamblers to do.

[Haz40 WANTED $1,167 Outlaw]

I shall rephrase that’s what i advise problem gamblers to do.

[Rb Rbreen91 WANTED $493 Outlaw]

I know exactly how easy it is to blow thousands that you shouldn’t be blowing. But I just don’t feel any sympathy for someone who has done it. That’s just my opinion though, I feel for the people around them, but not the person losing all their money. I feel the exact same way about alcoholics personally. And I also drink a fair amount, so I know it could happen to me.

[PsychicSnail WANTED $111 Outlaw]

Haz. So when I was a smoker, if I could have banned the sale of all fags then I would have. I loved to smoke but knew it was killing me. What I don’t understand is that when a gambling addict has these moments of clarity, which you say you have, why they don’t put all barriers in place to stop gambling.

By the sounds of it, even in your position of gambling a large wedge infrequently, I still would. Lets say you spend 400 notes a month. That’s £5K a year. Why wouldn’t a person just hand over the financial reins to a trusted person? Surely not to do so is just daft.

I know it can’t be so black and white, but it just bemuses me.

[Haz40 WANTED $1,167 Outlaw]

Personally i have put barriers in place by using gamstop and i would say i average a mile under £400 loss a month gambling. That’s just me though. I suppose the answer to your question is gamblers convince themselves they are not problem gamblers so they don’t put these barriers in place. They tell themselves they can control it when actually they can’t so they do nothing about it. Then when they have a massive loss they say it’s the last time and i won’t do that again and they end up doing exactly the same again a week later. As you know half the problem is admitting you have a problem. Many gamblers don’t think they have a problem when actually they do.

[PsychicSnail WANTED $111 Outlaw]

Thanks Haz. Well yes I suppose I was aware of this but needed to read it again. It definitely is barmy how a person can be so out of control but not accept they have a problem. Mind I’ve seen the same behaviour in other mental illnesses such as anorexia and alcoholism. The mind is a very odd thing.

[Eightblack WANTED $446 Outlaw]

As one of the people who has made one of these threads recently I’m split with your post.. On one hand your right we should feel bad, but on the other hand we do and have already said we do so making someone feel worse will never help.. At AA or GA meetings its very much the same, in those periods of dispair a few kind words that your not alone and your not a nasty scumbag can make a massive difference, as dramatic as it sounds in some cases its something as small as nice words that can literally save a life..

[Haz40 WANTED $1,167 Outlaw]

I suppose the questions remains am i a gambling addict. The last time i gambled was Wednesday ( £30 ) i am currently in my local town centre with £12 in my pocket with my bank card at home. My daily limit is £700 so no way i am to take my card with me. So am i an addict for gambling on a Sunday when i have nothing better to do or am i here for a few little bets and a bit of fun for half an hour. Who knows.

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