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[giannix WANTED $10 Outlaw]

Hello everyone

I’ve been here since the beginning but never got involved in the discussions and wasn’t an active member at all of this community even if I was regularly watching the Bandit’s videos, mostly on the YouTube channel. A reason for that could be the fact that English is not my mother language and often I miss or miss understand the point of a discussion (not to mention the grammar, lol). Now I’m at work, I’m bored /depressed /lost so what better remedy than writing 🙂 This is just a story with no other point than exhaling a bit of the toxic feelings chewing me from the inside out…

I’m not very young anymore and I think I always had a “Lil devil” inside that pushed me to taste almost all kinds of gambling. My disadvantage was that I’m ( most of the time) a lucky person… So that,ironically, drived me to misery… Of course that with the good luck I was blessed with greed also so almost every time I had a nice win I did all I could to turn it into dust. No, I never get to win 100k but I had (especially during the last few years) some nice, decent wins… I think the first big hit (for my incomes level ofc) was a first place in a 11$ entry poker tournament (online) on the old Fulltilt poker site… Was around 3,5k $ that was kinda lot of money back then. After that I had many but smaller wins at the roulette (I was playing on a real casino, not online), then a couple of years ago I had a nice 7k hit on a Jack and the beanstalk (online) when I was at the point to withdraw 700€ that it gave me on 2€ bet… I remember I had like 730€ and I said to myself to just try 3 spins on 10€ bet and then withdraw. I got (extremely) lucky and the bonus came in those last 3 spins. Yeah, it was only 700 x but those were 7k € still. I remember I was extremely happy, I shared that with all my (few) friends, I shared it on the gambling sites chats where I was spending lot of my free time… Shortly, I was incredibly happy…. Although at that time my debts weren’t that high, it tooked me like two or three days to lose back almost everything. Sadly I didn’t have a gun to shoot myself :/ Some times after that, with the debts growing up constantly, I reached in one session the all time top win of my actual gambling history… After a long (online) casino night my casino account was at 12k €,after few lucky hits on slots and some roulette. Of course I made a withdraw, I’m a responsable, intelligent, adult person. I withdraw the last 2k remaining after losing 10k in just a couple of hours, only because my wife started to cry watching me losing my minds (she’s an incredible nice person, btw)… Yeah, I withdraw 2k from a 100 € deposit so you’d say I was still in profit (for that day only, ofc).. That was true at that moment and a bitter sweet memories couple of days after… Most of the withdraw went back in the casino’s vault, ofc… Good job mate!! Again :/

Getting closer to the present day, I had some few decent withdraws in November (some 1000s and a 6k one) and then some even bigger loses in December… So here I am, at the very beginning of 2020, broke and lost. It’s the first time I can’t pay my bills /debts (I do work, yes), having no idea what to do and how to get out of this shite…

Excluding myself from the casinos? Ofc I thought about it but what then? My 1000€ salary can’t cover the monthly debts already :/ I’m in such a fkin mess that the only way out that I can see is (guess what!) a good hit at the casino. Banning myself is, in this moment, kinda useless cause I won’t be able to play soon cause I’m Really broke with no other alternative incomes hope.

So, looking back in time, I’d say my biggest curse was the good luck… But I cannot stop thinking that a better, realistic, calculated management of my good luck, the greed control would have been maybe the way to go for some more rewarding results. But well, it’s past already and (sadly?) I cannot change it. Did I learned anything from my mistakes? (like many people use to say :learn from it and get over it). My answer is : no, I haven’t. When I’m winning I just enter in a state of… blackout or kinda… I can’t stop myself until I lose all that I won (and more, if possible). Yes, I could throw in the excuse of the debts forcing me to go for a really big win and ofc it sounds pathetic and extremely stupid to you… But you know what? I can’t even discard that argument cause I know it’s true. The main issue for many of us (I know I’m not the only one, neither the first or the last) going through a similar situation is simple : once you win once a few (shítty job) salaries in few hours nobody ever will be able to convince you that the hard work is the way to success. So since that moment you’re lost, you’re chasing your illusion (or mental illness?) till you catch it or you die trying.

I didn’t catch it

Cheers and sorry if I said anything wrong (I’m not in a mood to read again and correct). As I supposed when I started to write this, I feel a bit better now, releef is real although it won’t help me in any way… It hurts me and in the same time it calm me down a bit… Seeing the bright side of life : it’s 2am,I’m still at work, 7 hours till the shift ends. 24 days more till payday. What’s the point? :/

P. S. : sorry if the post will appear twice, ofc I get disconnected cause it took me a while to write this.

[eejit101 WANTED $312 Outlaw]

this is a great post, it highlights so much of what can go wrong, and something we dont often talk about, how the win “definition” cna change your view on your work and/or future wins.

My advice, and i work for a group of casinos so please at least read some of this, i might ramble a bit too much though – I see this a lot. Ive done it myself. My first hit, like yours, was first place for $6k on Pokerstars in 2008. I then played poker for a job, and won $65.7k in 2009, and another $10k hit in the same month. You get the feeling of indestructibility. You see 65.7k on a screen and think – well i can cashout 60k and have fun with 5.7k. Problem is that is FIVE thousands euros. Thats half a years wages for your average 21 year old.

So things go south and you are always chasing the next hit. The stakes rise. The deposit size rises. The deposit frequency rises. Its a vicious circle. Five years ago casinos preyed on this, these players, no matter the level of responsible gaming a casino has, make up a majority of the player database. I look through the back offices of casinos we manage and I see people depositing 25, then 50, then 150, then 325, then locking their account for a bit. But they come back. Dont get me wrong, the main income for a casino is VIP players, thats why they look after them so well, but the main issue in gambling is those with no control, or those with no sense of “stopping”.

What im trying to say, in a weird way, is you can only do what you want to do. If you earn 1k a month, you need to start afresh from right now. You have 1k a month. Forget what you had, or could have had, and think of your life. Think of your wife, and what it would be like if she hated you. There arent that many lovely women in the world who would have sex with you and marry you i assume. Unless you look like Ryan Reynolds in which fuck your way to the top it seems easier 🙂 As for you being lucky, thats not something anyone can prove, and luck runs out. Noone is lucky forever.

You need to assign some context to your decisions. Losing from 12k to 2k happens. More than you know. Yesterday I saw someone request 65k in cashouts. Today i checked and they have reversed 35k of it. Its greed and addiction. And it sucks. It pains me to see it. Dont be a figure on a screen, as even if you win 50k tomorrow from 5 euros deposit, you will lose it back in the end. Invest in something that causes you joy, that will make you not hate life if you cant gamble. Find something better to define who you are.

[giannix WANTED $10 Outlaw]

@eejit101 ty for your time mate, I agree with almost all that you said, there are things that I know like many of us ofc. I’m aware of my demons and I’m not proud of what I became. For the sake of discussion I just want to clarify two things 😉

1) my monthly income is not covering anymore the debts I have (bank, loans) and the interests my debts are carrying are ridiculously high. This month, for the very first time I wasn’t able to pay the monthly fees. And those interests are accumulating and raising. My December’s 1k (more or less) are already gone now, the January salary won’t be enough either, ofc. How can I start from 0? I’d really would, honestly… I won’t say I’m cured from gambling… I just say I’m at the point where I just lost appetite for gambling… I got bored

2)my wife isn’t the most beautiful or smarter women in the world and I’m not R. R. (not anymore, lol). But would be very hard for me to find another women not to fk but to stay by my side for 20 years now and suffering from all the stupid things I’ve done more than you can imagine. But that’s another, longer, sade story 😉

Ty again for your good words 😉

[giannix WANTED $10 Outlaw]

… But yeah, I agree I’m basically an idiot… 🙂

[eejit101 WANTED $312 Outlaw]

Where are you in the world? If you are in your 40’s as your post suggests is the basic wages in that country low?

[Mark9100 WANTED $3 Outlaw]

Hi there,

Just to put it into perspective a bit for you. Ok losing that sort of money in just a few hours sucks 10k, is a lot of money. For most its like half a year wages, but you be surprised how many people have done the same thing. People get massive hits on theses sorts of games. Its not like playing in a regular arcade where your bet size is 10p,30p, 50p, £1 or £2. So it is very capped to a level. However online the stakes just rise and rise. Most Play and Go games alone can go upto £50 a spin!  So suddenly your 10k seems quite small in reality. Don’t beat yours too much.

The main thing is that you have taken the time to think about what you did. I know its easier said than done trust me, but in some way you need to forget about the 10k loss. Cause if you carry on playing theses sorts of games chasing that 10k loss, then more than likely you will loses even more. You need to reset and play at a stake that is inline with your income. If you can think what you can afford to loses having a play at the games you want to play, then if a nice hit or a monster hit happens then, fair enough good on you. However if you lose the money then at least you aren’t getting yourself further and further into a mess. I wish you all the best pal and thanks for sharing your story but like I said you aren’t the only one and at least you have the balls to share that sort of a loss and put into perspective what sort of effect that has on you.

One last thing, in till you are back level and debts are paid off. Then I would self exclude or a least block your account – I know its not what you wanna here mate but at least if you sort your debts out then you can sleep a lot easier at night. 🙂

 

Good luck Giannix

[Th The devil WANTED $76 Outlaw]

This post basically defines my gambling life also, I am believe it or not a very lucky person had some crazy wins and it’s very rare I deposit and just lose it, I win 9/10 but I don’t win because I either don’t withdraw or reverse my withdrawal and lose the lot, just an example I have deposited £225 in total in the last 2 weeks and actually withdrew 1600 pound but reversed both withdrawals and lost them so potentially £1375 in profit but actually £225 down and one of them sessions was a £50 deposit and I actually was up to £1480 I cashed £1200 and left £280 to play with ended up losing the £280 reversed my withdrawal and lost that within about 3 hours this scenario happens very often to me if I wasn’t so greedy and was a bit more sensible so to speak I would be fine.

i nearly fucked up a massive win in November you will be able to see my lil devil hit in the big wins section on here but I did cash out just over 16k altogether from a few sessions but I think I had 8k in my account at one point which that’s massive to me and I ended up going right down to nearly 1k, luckily had a few nice hits one after the other I got back up to the 8k but not knowing when to stop is also my issue I just enjoy playing but when you have won a lot of money you should always cash a nice amount and play with the rest because if you lose not only do you lose your money I’ve learned over the years it severely affects your mental health, this is what many people forget the amount of stress a session causes even a winning one is stressful.

Apologies for the long post haven’t been involved for a while but this post was basically identical to my gambling experiences thanks if you took time to read this!

[giannix WANTED $10 Outlaw]

eejit101 wrote:

Where are you in the world? If you are in your 40’s as your post suggests is the basic wages in that country low?

I live in Madrid, Spain… Define basic wages pls, I don’t understand your question, sorry… If you’re asking me about my salary, it’s around 1,1k €. It’s not a good one but isn’t the smallest either.

[giannix WANTED $10 Outlaw]

Thanks Mark, I totally agree with you and I know those things but I never stick on them.. I lose more than I could afford and the 10k thing was just an illustration of how dumb I am when I lose control. It’s not necessarily about the amount. And yeah, as I said an account blocking is a way to go. Well, first I gotta sort out this mess somehow and I got no idea how, tbh. Cheers 🙂

[giannix WANTED $10 Outlaw]

Thank you, The devil

Yeah, it’s exactly why I’m angry (on me), cause I always fk up the good things :/ And now I crossed a line that I shouldn’t have. I’m completely blocked (financially) and yeah, as you said, my mental health isn’t quite brilliant 🙂 That’s one of the reasons why I posted this little story, writing it helps me forget and calm down a bit and speaking with ppl that really understand the issue is a great thing. Ty for your answer, best of luck 🙂

[Slotsofun WANTED $17 Outlaw]

I share a similar story, particularly over the last year. Luckily I am not in debt though, however my personal equity and belongings has been reduced dramatically. Last summer (2019) I cashed out in total £19k in May (total income to my bank account for that month), I had a full time job with monthly salary over £1500 after tax, I had a partner of 1 year, a car, etc. Before I won this money I had a good lot of things going for me. Not only that but my partner of the time and I were talking of the future and how she had spent 8 years of her life and saved £10,000.

Well after my income of 19k for May, I bought lots of things, spoilt her, etc, became debt free and still had £12k in my bank account with no worries about finance or nothing. I actually had more money (suppose you could say) now saved than it took her 8 years to do. Now obviously I never told her about this winning as I remember one night she gave me the whole “if I catch you gambling” speech, so I kept it to myself. However, things just literally went downhill from there. I started to gamble more often, took days off work pretending I was sick to gamble, lied to her that I was off, etc. It took me one month, and it was gone…..not only was the money gone, but my job followed a month later, depression began to creep in, car ended up being sold, relationship began to fall apart.

Now here I am, 7 months after having everything, with nothing, no car, no partner, no job, no savings, and a head full of anxiety, depression and regret. I will never get that money back, I will never get my partner back……and now I have to try fight off depression and try everything to get my life back on track. I have now banned myself from all online gambling,  at least self excluded for 2 years, because, I want my life back.

That, my friends, is the reality of losing control.

[Slotsofun WANTED $17 Outlaw]

And just to add to the above, part of me wishes I told her about this, because although she might not have liked the fact I had gambled, walking away with that amount and putting it aside for OUR future could have changed this outcome dramatically.

So speak out, don’t be afraid to say to somebody you have won, even if they hate you gambling….their advice and help might just make all the difference to changing your life for the better.

[Anonymous WANTED $110 Inactive]

if you can’t set limit to you self playing is better take brake think about it it will help you,make yourself busy on real life,not easy but at least you try to help you self,lost also over 15k on 1 week but i stop all summer i did not play,start again on low bets 1-2 (not 5-10) all time i won over 100x i cashout,next time i deposit max £100 if i lose i dont deposit again till next week I had on saving to deposit even 1000s but i stay to my words i will not lose big till i win back my lost,last november got very good win on lil devil and DOA now I only if i hit over 200x 300x i may try £3-£5 bet on 10x20x of my win never redeposit if i lose,simple u win cashout and run pay your bills right away give you money to someone to hold for u so on

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auK_MteZ8Rg&t=2076s

[giannix WANTED $10 Outlaw]

@Slotsofun Yeah, I had (of course) that problem with my wife too… She never liked gambling and, as you did too, I didn’t tell her about my winnings cause she didn’t want me to play at all… During the years she kinda accepted the idea… The bad part is that now I put her too in debts with my late loses. So sometimes I think that was better when she didn’t know where some money were coming from but in the same time I wasn’t dare to ask her for money to play… She was exactly as you said :”if I catch you gambling”, lol…. On the other hand, she’s still with me and that says more than words. Your partner choosed to leave (if I get it right) and of course nobody could blame her, she made the rational choice, imho. My wife is still with me after all the bad times I gave her but I can assure you that she’s not happy… The level of stress that the gambling puts in our lives is not easy to live with. I must tell you that I honestly thought few times to divorce only because she deserves better and I hate make her suffering, I hate see her crying, it breaks my heart seeing her sad. So you maybe should think (even is painful for you) that maybe she’ll be better away from you. Sounds cruel but….

Love (they say) it’s not about rational choices.

Sorry if I interfere too deep in your private life, I just saw the similarities between our stories.

Best wishes to you, get better soon

[giannix WANTED $10 Outlaw]

@GameRoom Those are the basic rules we all know. You can follow them, I wasn’t be able to… That’s what my story is about maybe, about loosing control :/

Best of luck! 🙂

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